audio-talk

Oh whit a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Jist as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts tae stir an enormous win'
The neeps 'n tatties 'n mushy peas
Stert workin' like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin' wi' the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin' a' ower the place
Nae maiter whit the hell ye dae
A'bodys gonnae hiv tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
Its like a bullet oot a rifle
Haw'd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try an' stop the leakin' air
Shifty yersel' fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae God it disnae reek
But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me a sonic boom
God almichty it fairly reeks
Hope a huvnae sh't ma breeks
Tae the bog a better scurry
Aw whit the hell its not ma wurry
A'body roon aboot me chokin'
Wan or twa are nearly bokin'
A'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smil
Wis him! A shout wi' accusin' glower
Alas too late, he's jist keeled ower
Ye dirty b'gger they shout and stare
A dinnae feel welcome ony mair
Where e'er ye be let yer wind gang free
Sounds like jist the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's party
Ower the sake

O' wan wee farty ..................

Awesome.

Luckily, my English teachers at secondary school ensured I can read something with so many deviations from standard English...

Looks good. It takes an effort to translate to get the gist. However, this is just a poor quality verse written in English and then tweaked to appear fraudulently Scottish. A 'Burns' thing I suppose, but actually a lot of bollocks of bastardised English. It's certainly not Gaelic. Sorry, lacking a sense of humour tonight. Was fun working it out, though

Them sweaties never could talk proper English

And wassup wiv u lot? Easy to understand, nae problem Jimmy

Yoose give mae a pint o heavy reet noo