General health matters.

[Paul Barker]

Ray you have to keep ploughing through it.

The mri of my wifes brain is strakly full of white matter which is the degredation of her nerve pathways. My son and I were with her talking to the neurologist. But she doesn’t know that and ploughs on through life surviving every trip to resus. They are loading her up with more and more drugs which would make normal people feel just awful. My son is more against pharmaceutical medical intervention than I am. But the consultants reply was to put her brain scan on his computer screen while calmly iterating the benefits to her life span of this woeful situation in her brain. I’m not a radiologist, I was just a nurse. But I do know when you see a seriously degraded organ or a Mass, for example in the lungs. You shed youre prejudice against pharmaceutical intervension. He silenced mine and Sam’s pet hate.

Amaising how Diana soldiers on between frequent asaults that render no option but 999 as my card in the fight. More conversations with consultants standing in resus or one time icu where they held her intubated 5 days and nights, “because we cant take her off life support until she isnt constantly fitting. They protect her from knowing but I am a witness every time, and I always have to go with her because she cant be a witness, and if I dont go the medics surgeons and specialists will have no plarts of the jiggsaw that fit together.

My part is to assist their understanding to guide their decisions. The icu consultant when I said, “can we be optimistic?” … “I can’t say that!”

I said to my son “I wouldn’t want that brain scan” whenever in my nursing career I have seen such stark examples it has always taken a path that changes the life of the whole family. Paediatric nursing is very much family nursing.

But Diana ploughs on.

[Ray P]

I can sense some of what you must be feeling, Paul, keep going mate and make sure you care for yourself as well as Diana.

[Daniel Quinn]

A hero , doing it for love and memories . It's sad but beautiful at the same time . Makes my situation seem trivial . I wish you all the best Paul .

[Paul Barker]

Thank you both. I’m actually getting stronger and it sounds worse to people who haven’t been strengthened by such stress. The human body and mind adapts and changes to whatever stress it has to sustain. At first it was enormous. Now I stay calm.
I have finally given up caffeine and my bp is much safer for me now. My stress is much less than before. Nothing has changed but me.

My left side is a lot stronger and controllable. My cognitive mind is making fewer mistakes.

I can’t complain.

[pre65]

I had my RSV (respiratory syncytial virus) jab this afternoon.

Not normally offered until we get past 75.

I didn't want to get Pneumonia again.