Jokes

[Mike H]

Excellent!


From a YouTube viddy, re 'the American bubble' (there are several viddys about this)


@harry9392 4 days ago
An American asked me on FB who did I vote for, I said I didn't vote. And I was called a lot of names. And then he asked me what state I was in. Told him Northern Ireland. But what state is it in.
I told him. The UK. And he kept asking me yes but what state is it in.
Lost all hope for humanity.

[Paul Barker]

[Paul Barker]

[Mike H]

[Paul Barker]

Sounds like the guy i saw walking up the street with a 12 foot pole
I jokingly said are you a pole vaulter
he said no im german but how did you know my name is Vaulter

[Paul Barker]

This one is a genuin story from my father’s time as a house Doctor at Wallsend Hospital where Mum and Dad lived when I was born, which classes me as a Geordie but I dont speak that way because after my Dad qualified as a GP he got his first practice in rural Hampshire when I was 2 years old.

So you have to know the Geordie venacular to appreciate the joke.

Patient as clients were named in those days, I dont know what they are called today I finished nursing in 2002 and one thing Im sure of is these names get changed. We called them clients.

So Dad called his clients patients. Maybe they should go back to that, because you do have to wait many months patiently before you see a Dr. I have had two letters about my next appointment both letters are a waste of paper they tell me I am on the list and I will get another letter six months before my appointment. So if I die first thats my fault I guess. On telly they say, if you think someone is having a stroke ring 999. Once you are in the system there is no urgency whatsoever. Anyway on the whole there is nothing they can do for you other than turn you into a junky.

But back on Dad's humourous story.

The patient had hurt his leg.

dad spoke queen's English, or another way to describe his speech is like a BBC news reader in the 1950’s and 60’s.

So dad said “can you walk”. The man replied, “ I canna Work man, I canna even waark” the sound that comes out of. Geordies moth when he is saying he cant walk. Whereas when a geordie takks about work he pronounces that how we say walk.

Dad also told the story of the patient post removal of kidney op, on the ward round he hadn’t passed any urine the paitiemt said. “This didnt happen when you removed the other kidney”.

Dad used to say “hospitals are dangerous places try and stay out of them!”

He also used to say in the ‘60’s when he was passing on his wisdom to me and I was between 3 and 12 pre boarding school (which was like living in hell in fear of what would happen to you next from sadistic people). Their threats were worse than their actions but its all fear inspiring, a costant of boarding school. Unless, of course you were yourself a bully.

Anyway in the years before that terrible period of my life. The divorce was when I had just arrived at boarding school, all neatly planned. So most of my anecdotes about Dad were in that decade.

I cant recall what I was going to say.

[Paul Barker]

Excellent!


From a YouTube viddy, re 'the American bubble' (there are several viddys about this)


@harry9392 4 days ago
An American asked me on FB who did I vote for, I said I didn't vote. And I was called a lot of names. And then he asked me what state I was in. Told him Northern Ireland. But what state is it in.
I told him. The UK. And he kept asking me yes but what state is it in.
Lost all hope for humanity.

Reminds me of North American ebay before there existed ebay UK. There was no option for anywhere else in the World in the drop down lists of US States one of which obviously everyone in the whole wide world must live in. When I went for 4 months on a student exchange program called BUNAC British University North American Club.

In Baraboo part of Wisconsin, the Dairy State Midwest. They used to say “where are you from, Canada?” No, “oh, are you from France?” No, I’m from England. “Oh, London, gee is it foggy over there?”

I used to think, they dont recognise their own language spoken properly. But I understand they probably speak the way we did when we invaded USA.

[Mike H]

That kidney story is scary!

[Paul Barker]

My Dad never lied. I was with a military veteran in the cafe yesterday. He used to be on qra when the Lightning and I think it was Jaguar. He is one of the few of many people in Scarborough riding around on ride on scooters. He is one of the his because in the 60’s he was returning fast desent to base after a qra showing their strength to The Russians proding our air space. Nearley low enough to level out for the runway and a bird got in the engine. He edjected. His spine was crushed vertibray by vertibray. He earned his truthfull need for a ride on scooters for the rest of his life since the ‘60’s.

Him me and the other friends were swapping experiences of what our forfathers said about thei war. My granded never told anything about his Great War experience.

My Dad was on a Destroyer but ne never mentioned anything about the military side of his war, but he told me humorous stories.

In the night I was thinking of one of the stories he told me matter of fact. Him and another Matlow were fighting on deck. Dad was sent over the side on a bosuns chair with a tin of grey paint and a brush. His tail was that the tin of paint fell off the plank he was sat on and he had to sit there all day with a paint brush in his hand. But in the night reality hit me. The danger of it. We have had an easy life compared to what they went through. Even though they never told us the worst of it. The u boats torpedos seeing other ships in the convey go down, not knowing when it was youre turn. No survivors picked up. Wandering if it would happen to youre ship.

Never a word spoken about it.