Jokes

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Mike H
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#31 Re: Arse

Post by Mike H »

IslandPink wrote:"Can I say arse on this forum" ?
You betcha !!

Even better if you can learn to say it like Father Jack -
Drink feck arse grrls Image

Image


True story (but didn't happen to me)

A family's dog gets into the neighbour's garden while they're away on holiday. First they knew about was when the dog returned clutching next door's rabbit between its teeth, muddy bedraggled and thoroughly stone dead.

So they have a conflab and decide to wash the rabbit and put it back in its run. The owners would think it'd just dropped dead while they were away.

Neighbours duly return, and pretty soon the mother is round ringing their door bell.

"Notice anything strange going on in our garden while we've been away?"

"Why do you ask?" (innocently)

"Well the most extraordinary thing has happened ~ before we went on our hols our child's pet rabbit died, so we buried it in the garden...."
Last edited by Mike H on Tue Jan 06, 2015 11:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
 
"No matter how fast light travels it finds that the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."
Emmy
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#32

Post by Emmy »

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ah'd be mighty grateful if'n yoo'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me bahfore ah hafta go."

"Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says the warden. He turns to the biker, "And you, biker, what's your last request?"

"That you kill me first."
Emmy
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#33

Post by Emmy »

Gyuri wrote:And what about this?

The angry piggy goes on the street while he strains the words between his teeth angrily:
- Rotten warm day, rotten cars, rotten people, I desire it if only everything would turn into fog!
- Rotten fog ...

Gyuri
:D
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Paul Barker
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#34

Post by Paul Barker »

Next door neighbours can be a PITA , I remember when the chicken stopped laying , next minute I see the guy next door clutching a load of eggs , when confronted he said the chicken flew over his side & layed em so as far as he's concerned there his eggs , I suggested we stand with legs appart & kick each other in the nuts & the one that stands the longest keeps the eggs , ok he says who goes first , me i said , with that I kicked him hard in the nuts , he gets up & says my turn , nah i said, you keep the eggs.
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Mike H
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#35

Post by Mike H »

:lol:
 
"No matter how fast light travels it finds that the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."
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Paul Barker
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#36

Post by Paul Barker »

I' m reading a book about anti- gravity. It' s
impossible to put down.
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Paul Barker
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#37

Post by Paul Barker »

I treated the wife to one of those "fish
pedicures" the other day and I must admit I was
very impressed with the results. Those piranhas
don' t fook about.
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Mike H
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#38

Post by Mike H »

Image (both)
Last edited by Mike H on Tue Jan 06, 2015 4:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
 
"No matter how fast light travels it finds that the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."
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Mike H
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#39

Post by Mike H »

Removed due to irrelevant.
Last edited by Mike H on Tue Jan 06, 2015 11:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
 
"No matter how fast light travels it finds that the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."
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Dave the bass
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#40

Post by Dave the bass »

I've built a car made entirely from Spaghetti, I got JTS to come outside and watch me drive up and down the road in it.

You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.
"The fat bourgeois and his doppelganger"
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#41

Post by puppypaws0123 »

:P
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Mudshark
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#42 Re: Jokes

Post by Mudshark »

Dealer DIY - you know that the only sensible way to carry out DIY is to get someone else to do it, take the uncertainty out of the situation and pay one of Linn's specially trained dealer network to carry out your DIY projects. (Guy).

Sorry Guy......so good, hope you dont mind me sharing it here.

:lol:
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Ray P
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#43 Re: Jokes

Post by Ray P »

speed-trap.jpg
Sorry, I couldn't resist!
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Mudshark
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#44 Re: Jokes

Post by Mudshark »

What lies at the bottom of the sea, and quivers......

A Jellyfish.

:twisted: :twisted: :lol: :lol: :twisted: Get it.

Okay it came oot of a xmas cracker.....but we still laughed long into the night.

:drunken:
Cressy Snr
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#45 Re: Jokes

Post by Cressy Snr »

:error:
Sgt. Baker started talkin’ with a Bullhorn in his hand.
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