A little light humour

[Mudshark]

Jack fuk off n take a chill pill, I thought it fukin hilarious.....

You're a special kind of asshole ain't ya?


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But Mike, this forum contains a special kind of fukwit, dont it?

[Thermionic Idler]

[jack]

[Mike H]

Weather-warning.jpg (23.38 KiB) Viewed 6223 times

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[Irene Idler]

Found while browsing a turntable/LP enthusiast group on Facebook. Presented without comment.

[Mike H]

Notes left for the Milkman
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Dear milkman: I've just had a baby, please leave another one.

Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.

Cancel one pint after the day after today.

Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.

Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.

Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today.

Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole.

Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.

Sorry about yesterday's note, I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.

When you leave my milk please knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.

Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last night's Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea?

My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle?

Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.

Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant.

Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.

From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk.

My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.

Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.

Milkman, please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS don't leave any milk.

No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.


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[jack]

[jack]

Three engineers and three mathematicians are on a train going to a conference. The mathematicians each bought a ticket. The engineers have one between them. As the conductor starts through the train car, the engineers all rush off and jump into the small lavatory.

The conductor knocks on the door of the lavatory and says "Ticket, please." At which point the engineers slide the one ticket through a ventilation slot and the conductor punches it. The mathematicians think this looks like a good trick and decide to try it on the train ride back home.

As the mathematicians board the train they have one ticket between them. The engineers have no ticket!
After a while, one of the engineers says, "Here comes the conductor!" So all three mathematicians jump up and run into the lavatory with their one ticket.

One of the engineers goes to the lavatory door and says "Ticket, please."

[Mike H]

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[IslandPink]

Top notch !

[andrew Ivimey]

What a wonderfully whimsical world Japan in 1962 must have been!

[thomas]

Amidst the doom gloom and general depression I've had today around 'A50' I stumbled across this, which actually put a (cynical) smile on my face…

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/busi ... 0328125004

[andrew Ivimey]

Oddly (is that a word) it's the supermarket trolleys that gave a problem with the new coins.

Where does 'Daily mash' come from? I don't know but I'm prepared to guess that it's a stupid bunch if redneck Americans who still think that Washington d.c. is a long way away.

I could be wrong but...

[thomas]

I've no idea where it comes from but I think the humour in it is very British in a sarcastic and self mocking way…. the T May piece was quite funny too….

[andrew Ivimey]

Yep it looks English ( I looked) so satire and under statement etc are attuned to us. Looking like a red necked republican is in line to that too . Heck, Fox produce Homer Simpson and Family Guy. And Daily Mash, if one delves, is about as subtle as Private Eye....spose that's a compliment then!